I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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