I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize