Sry I called you an 8
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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