if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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