as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I understand Curling. That high.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
