I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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