What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
