I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
