I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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