you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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