you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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