Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
