we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
