I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
