Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
