I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
