Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
