Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
