this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
