just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
