Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
