were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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