Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
