That's when you crack a 10am beer
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
