White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Randomize
