Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
