Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
