She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
