and you said cock pushups were impossible
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize