You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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