I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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