i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
