wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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