I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
you made out with another girl for some wings
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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