her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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