you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
