i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
