I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sorry about my life...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
