Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
