Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize