It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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