She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
