I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize