I could have mohawked her pubes.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i came on her dog
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet