so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
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One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
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he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit