so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.