I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing