Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.