I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
A+ Viking dick