Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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