I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
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Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
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oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.