What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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