Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
