so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
