The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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