What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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