the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
