Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
