I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
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Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
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IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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