Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
