Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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