Everything about him screamed your future.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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