Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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