That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
