dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
