there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
