Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
