May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
