Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
