all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
