He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
