I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
