my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
