So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
