ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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