It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
