I showed him my bush... on skype.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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