Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
