so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
