Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
