well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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