Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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