their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
pop tarts are not kleenex
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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