Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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